Tuesday, October 16, 2012
My heart aches again this morning as I learned of another young person I knew during our ministry in Coppell entered heaven. The count now runs to 3 of former students gone to be with the Lord and all too soon in my human way of thinking. My heart doesn't hurt for the young man, Jacob, because I am thankful to know that He knew his Father in Heaven, but it hurts for those he leaves behind. As a parent, my heart breaks for his family. As a former youth pastor my heart aches for the young men I know that have bonded together and committed to holding each other accountable through the ups and downs of middle & high school. They now have to walk through a messy part of life with more questions than answers. All of who knew him personally, casually or from a distance will ask the every pressing question of "why?". My whole being wants to jump on a plane and join them, walk through the valley with them, sift through the desperate desire to say one last thing or do one thing different before he leaves. Oh how I hurt for these young people that face a grown-up world all too soon. We say the right things, "he's with Jesus, he's home, its God's plan", and although true, these words don't comfort our minds and souls, only take a little of the sting away. They should, we know the Truth, but our humanity doesn't allow it. We know as Followers of Christ that our end is in His presence and our ultimate desire is to and should be to be with Him. But with a life to live and so much potential our hearts strain to feel a peace and in some sense we feel cheated. It makes us feel incomplete as believers, at least is does me, to not be satisfied with God's plan for Jacob's life. I still live in that lie that I really have a say in my life once I have given it to God. You think after teaching students, living it and doing something crazy like moving to Africa that I would of clued into it. But I haven't. That is what I sit here and struggle with this morning half a world away from the people I hurt for. It scares me all over again to be reminded that Faith isn't Faith until its all you are holding onto. But in a strange way I find comfort in my faith at the same time. I count myself lucky because a friend of mine and I stood on the sidelines at Coppell stadium just two weeks ago during a short trip to Dallas from Nairobi that I had to make. My friend was able to help get me on the sidelines, where selfishly I wanted to be able to focus on the game, and watch a group of young men I've known since middle school play without the distractions of talking to people in the stands. Little did I know that as I stood there and marveled at how those little boys I first met were now on the verge of becoming full blown men, it would be the last time I would see Jacob alive and that an innocence would be taken from his brothers that played on the field with him and others that cheered for him from the stands. However, I will live today with hope because it returns me to one Truth that I know. I know, that I know, that I know that Jacob Logan is in heaven. Jacob would probably say several things to his brothers and the rest of us. No doubt some funny. But I'm convinced at some point he'd remind us to know that we know that those around us are introduced to the only answer to the though questions of death.... A living, alive, daily walk with the Lord Jesus Christ as we continue to make Him our Savior and Lord. Rest in peace Mr. Jacob Logan, I will walk in peace that passes human understanding knowing you are with our Savior.