Thursday, May 27, 2010

Moments of Sheer Terror & Reminders He's in Control

Today, when I walk out of my office, I won't have an office to walk into on Monday.
I don't want to make more of it than it is. I know many families from my church that have been out of work for a long time, some that aren't sure about their future and a ton who are thankful that they'll walk into work tomorrow with some certainty the future.
Tonight, just before I fall asleep, I'll have these panic thoughts come screaming through my head; "what in the world are you doing Stickney?" These feelings have been apart of my nightly drift into dreaming about todo lists, suitcases, shipping companies or whatever I need to accomplish or didn't the day before since about April. However, the past three nights the "oh, no what are we doing" panics have become just plain scary.
Typing this confirms my feelings, I'm a wienie and don't sound very Christian at all. I can hear my mother now, "Thomas, God is not a God of fear." I think that argument would of been rather interesting to work through as the Israelites walked across dry ground with walls of water on either side and then turned to watch an entire army swallowed up as the sea collasped on them. But Mom is right, scripture does tell us that we need to "fear the Lord", but thats that healthy fear, good fear, be scared of snakes fear. Isn't it? Maybe I don't know what real fear is?
I've got panic down, actually hoping they make it an olympic sport someday so I can represent my country. "and now we go live to the Panic Room (good movie by the way) where Stickney faces off with (go ahead insert your name here) for the singles panic silver medal (yep, silver. Our dog Memphis would have the Gold sewn up).
So Fear or Panic, either way it will visit tonight just before I drift off.
Here's the cool part though. At some point today and tomorrow and yesterday, God touched me on the shoulder and reminded me..."I'm in control here Tom. Kerry, Sydney, Nathan-Raegan are not yours, Kenya is not yours, ACO is not yours. They are mine and I've got this under control". Last week that reminder came in the form of a Dad that met me as I walked out of my daughters elementary school. He stopped me, prayed with me and reminded me that God is seldom early, rarely on time, but never late (He's definitely got some Kenyan blood in him. God, not the Dad). Monday, it was my best friend reminding me that I will board the plane on July 6th to begin, the same day my father began his time with Jesus two years ago. Yesterday it was a quick conversation with a teacher who told me my daughter was doing fine with all the chaos. And today it was Nathan-Raegan's teacher from pre-school a year ago that stopped me in the hallway, hugged me and held on without saying a word. God knows I need to see Him right now and He's more than willing to through random reminders. "Son, I'm in Control".
Tomorrow, when you wake up or after you finishing reading this, do this for me. Allow yourself to react to those, "I should say something" or "I should do something" to encourage or help that person. Allow yourself to be that reminder for people like me that need to know..."psst, I'm in Control". Offices are overrated anyways.


1 comment:

  1. we love you all, Tom. We WILL be praying about what we can do, what we can give and always how we can encourage you. You are all a blessing to us and we are very happy you chose to share your lives with us. Your visit was a precious treat for me! I was SO GLAD to see you before all your moving begins. Look forward to seeing you again in December and hopefully we can get a lot of family together for support and celebration during the holiday. Blessings. Lisa(and RG)